A Happy Marriage
Tips to ensure your husbandís happiness
We should all strive to be the perfect wife, yet as human beings we are not perfect and are, therefore, prone to making mistakes. Likewise, our husbands cannot be perfect and by expecting them to be so, we are merely setting ourselves up for disappointment. Knowing how to act when you have made mistakes and learning to forgive your husband for his is essential advice for a realistic marriage. A happy marriage needs to be constantly worked at and nurtured by both spouses. Read on for some ways in which you can bring contentment to your husband.
Your husband is the closest person to you in the whole world, yet many of us show our best side to people outside the home. We make such an effort to impress and to make the right impression, yet we do not do this at home. Who is most deserving of your best side? Surely it is your spouse?
Muslim men are required by the teachings of the Qur’an and the ahadith of the Prophet (ṣall Allahu ʿalayhi wa sallam صلى الله عليه وسلم) to show kindness to their wives. Ensure that you do the same in return. Be ready with a smile when he returns home, speak kind words and use positive language. Show gratitude for all he does for you. Make the most of his best points and do not dwell on those aspects of his character that may be less pleasing to you. Remember that only Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala سبحانه و تعالى) is perfect.
Become your husband’s best friend, not just his wife. Spend time together doing things that you both enjoy. Share your interests and your thoughts. Be open with one another and show that you can be a trusted confidant.
Have a sense of humour. Smile, have fun. Ensure that your home is a happy place. Life is hard enough so let in a little humour to ensure that any challenges you face do not get you down.
Take care with your personal appearance. Keep yourself clean and make an effort to look good for your husband. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that you no longer need to make yourself attractive to him now that you are married.
Respect your husband’s likes and dislikes and stick to what is halaal. Remember that intercourse is not over until both partners have been satisfied. Do not be afraid to try out anything new that your husband may suggest as long as it is halaal.
Never reveal your bedroom secrets to others. Intimate acts between a husband and wife should remain private.
As your husband is the provider for the family, try not to ask him for things that are unnecessary and ensure that you live within your husband’s means. Do not compare possessions with other women and be satisfied with what your husband can afford.
Islam grants the husband the position of head of the family: “Men are protectors and maintainers of women” [Qur’an 4:34] and a wife’s role is as support and consultant. Therefore, a wife is expected to obey her husband unless what he asks of her is haram.
The Prophet Muhammad (ṣall Allahu ʿalayhi wa sallam صلى الله عليه وسلم)said: “When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of paradise she wishes.” [Mishkat]
This quotation shows that, under these circumstances, her place in paradise is guaranteed.
Treat his family and friends respectfully. Pay them visits and invite them to your home. Help them out when they need it. They will do the same for you. Take time to get to know them and learn to love what your husband loves about them. He will love you all the more for it!
Be careful of what you say. In the heat of the moment we often say hurtful things that we don’t really mean. A spiteful word or insult may stay with your partner for a long time. Let your anger die down first. Wait until you are alone and do not bring shame upon yourselves by arguing in the company of others.
Do not bring up past arguments or mistakes. Reopening old wounds only leads to bitterness. Leave them in the past. Communicate clearly, calmly and directly. Your husband is not a mind reader and he will not know that something is wrong unless you tell him.
Finally, always settle an argument before going to sleep. Do not allow your anger to persist into the following day as this will only make matters worse.
If you make a mistake, admit it and ask for forgiveness. Be prepared to forgive your husband’s mistakes too. Honesty is essential in a relationship. We ask Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala سبحانه و تعالى) for forgiveness, so why not our spouses too? Forgive each other and move on.
As a wife, you should be your husband’s greatest supporter. Encourage him to achieve his goals in life and give him a shoulder to lean on when he is upset. Be a counsellor and a source of inspiration to him when things go wrong. Allow him to help you too.
Help your husband to grow as a Muslim. Spend time praying together and encourage him to partake in Islamic groups or activities if he does not already do so. Make Du’a for Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala سبحانه و تعالى) to bless your marriage. If you are on a par in your worship then devise ways in which you can further your Islamic knowledge and commitment together. This will strengthen your relationship with Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala سبحانه و تعالى) as well as with each other.
If you have married a man who has recently converted to Islam then you will need to be patient. Offer support and encouragement and help him with his understanding of Islam but do not try to force the pace of change. A change of faith and lifestyle is a lot to adapt to straightaway. Let him take his time and to adopt new aspects of Islam as he becomes comfortable with them.
Keep your relationship fresh by surprising your spouse occasionally. Give little gifts, flowers or send a card. The Prophet (ṣall Allahu ʿalayhi wa sallam صلى الله عليه وسلم) told us that giving gifts increases mutual love. What better reason do you need?
Finally, remember that by marrying you are completing half your deen. When both spouses strive to please Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala سبحانه و تعالى), their marriage becomes an act of worship. This will please Allah (Subhaanahu Wa Taala سبحانه و تعالى) and He will reward you with happiness and stability in your marriage.